August
Guy 1:
"You know what they say - he who throws glass stones at rocks... wait, wait!"
- Epic fail
Guy 1:
"My girlfriend is a twin."
Guy 2:
"How do you know you're dating the right one?"
Guy 1:
"Her is twin is a guy."
- Stace
Lady to friend:
"Have you seen that new movie Conception? It's supposed to be mind-blowing."
-Nick
Woman in wheelchair moving clear of carriage seat:
"Would you like to sit down?"
Man:
"I'm OK, I've been sitting all day."
Woman:
"I've been sitting for much longer than that."
- Choice
Guy:
"My uncle has a glass eye."
Girl:
"Ew, can he see through it?"
- Phil
Girl:
"Oh, mobile speed cameras as in speed cameras that move, not cameras to catch you talking on your mobile."
- Special girl
Guy 1:
"Can you help me look for my phone?"
Guy 2: "
Sure. Where is it?"
- Pigeon
Guy on phone:
"Kenneth Rd. That's K for Kenneth."
- Dizzy spell
Guy 1:
"What was that strawberry thing we had before?"
Guy 2:
"Strawberries."
- Tasty
Girl 1:
"You know the word illegal? Well, what's the word when it's not illegal?"
Girl 2:
"Legal."
- Law abiding citizen
Guy 1:
"Why do you dress like that?"
Guy 2:
"Because if I didn't, I'd be naked and you would hit on me."
- Wrayth
Girl 1:
"What's a country starting with Y?"
Girl 2:
"Europe."
- Jess
Schoolboy 1:
"What's the definition of stalking?"
Schoolboy 2:
"Secretly following someone."
Schoolboy 1:
"Oh that's OK, I'm not doing it secretly."
- Walker
Teacher:
"Don't be stingy about using paper, it grows on trees."- Tree hugger
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